You're why cavemen chiseled on walls.

When you first entered the restaurant, I thought you were handsome... and then, of course, you spoke.

Do you have any control over how creepy you can get?

What if this is as good as it gets?

How can you diagnose me as obsessive compulsive and then tell me I have a choice about barging in here?

Sell crazy someplace else. We're all stocked up here.

Melvin: You make me want to be a better man.
Carol: That's maybe the best compliment of my life.
Melvin: Well maybe I overshot a little, because I was aiming at just enough to keep you from walking out.

I'm drowning here, and you're describing the water!

Melvin: Judging from your eyes, I'd say you were fifty.
Carol: Judging from your eyes, I'd say you were kind.

Receptionist: How do you write women so well?
Melvin Udall: I think of men, and I take away reason and accountability.