THE DEACON’S MASTERPIECE
or The Wonderful "One-Hoss
Shay
A LOGICAL STORY
Have you heard of the wonderful
one-hoss shay,
That was built in such a
logical way
It ran a hundred years to
a day,
And then of a sudden, it—ah,
but stay,
I 'll tell you what happened
without delay,
Scaring the parson into fits,
Frightening people out of
their wits,—
Have you ever heard of that,
I say?
Seventeen hundred and fifty-five.
Georgius Secundus was then
alive,—
Snuffy old drone from the
German hive.
That was the year when Lisbon-town
Saw the earth open and gulp
her down,
And Braddock's army was done
so brown,
Left without a scalp to its
crown.
It was on the terrible Earthquake-day
That the Deacon finished
the one-hoss shay.
Now in building of chaises,
I tell you what,
There is always somewhere
a weakest spot,—
In hub, tire, felloe, in
spring or thill,
In panel, or crossbar, or
floor, or sill,
In screw, bolt, thoroughbrace,—lurking
still,
Find it somewhere, you must
and will,—
Above or below, or within
or without,—
And that's the reason, beyond
a doubt,
A chaise breaks down, but
doesn't wear out.
But the Deacon swore (as Deacons
do,
With an "I dew vum," or an
"I tell yeou,")
He would build one shay to
beat the taown
'n' the keounty 'n' all the
kentry raoun';
It should be so built that
it could n' break daown;
—"Fur," said the Deacon,
"'t 's mighty plain
Thut the weakes' place mus'
stan' the strain;
'n' the way t' fix it, uz
I maintain, is only jest
T' make that place uz strong
uz the rest."
So the Deacon inquired of
the village folk
Where he could find the strongest
oak,
That could n't be split nor
bent nor broke,—
That was for spokes and floor
and sills;
He sent for lancewood to
make the thills;
The crossbars were ash, from
the straightest trees;
The panels of whitewood,
that cuts like cheese,
But lasts like iron for things
like these;
The hubs of logs from the
"Settler's ellum,"—
Last of its timber,—they
could n't sell 'em,
Never an axe had seen their
chips,
And the wedges flew from
between their lips,
Their blunt ends frizzled
like celery-tips;
Step and prop-iron, bolt
and Spring,
tire, axle, and linchpin
too,
Steel of the finest, bright
and blue;
Thoroughbrace bison-skin,
thick and wide;
Boot, top, dasher, from tough
old hide
Found in the pit when the
tanner died.
That was the way he "put
her through."—
"There!" said the Deacon,
"naow she 'll dew!"
Do! I tell you, I rather guess
She was a wonder, and nothing
less!
Colts grew horses, beards
turned gray,
Deacon and deaconess dropped
away,
Children and grandchildren,—where
were they?
But there stood the stout
old one-hoss shay
As fresh as on Lisbon-earthquake-day!
EIGHTEEN HUNDRED;—it came
and found
The Deacon's masterpiece
strong and sound.
Eighteen hundred increased
by ten;—
"Hahnsum kerridge" they called
it then.
Eighteen hundred and twenty
came;—
Running as usual; much the
same.
Thirty and forty at last
arrive,
And then came fifty, and
FIFTY-FIVE.
Little of all we value here
Wakes on the morn of its
hundredth year
Without both feeling and
looking queer.
In fact, there 's nothing
that keeps its youth,
So far as I know, but a tree
and truth.
(This is a moral that runs
at large;
Take it.—You 're welcome.—No
extra charge.)
FIRST OF NOVEMBER,—the Earthquake-day.—
There are traces of age in
the one-hoss shay,
A general flavor of mild
decay,
But nothing local as one
may say.
There could n't be,—for the
Deacon's art
Had made it so like in every
part
That there was n't a chance
for one to start.
For the wheels were just
as strong as the thills,
And the floor was just as
strong as the sills,
And the panels just as strong
as the floor,
And the whippletree neither
less nor more,
And the back-crossbar as
strong as the fore,
And spring and axle and hub
encore.
And yet, as a whole, it is
past a doubt
In another hour it will be
worn out!
First of November, 'Fifty-five!
This morning the parson takes
a drive.
Now, small boys, get out
of the way!
Here comes the wonderful
one-hoss shay,
Drawn by a rat-tailed, ewe-necked
bay.
"Huddup!" said the parson.—Off
went they.
The parson was working his
Sunday's text,—
Had got to fifthly, and stopped
perplexed
At what the—Moses—was coming
next.
All at once the horse stood
still,
Close by the meet'n'-house
on the hill.
—First a shiver, and then
a thrill,
Then something decidedly
like a spill,—
And the parson was sitting
upon a rock,
At half past nine by the
meet'n'-house clock,—
Just the hour of the Earthquake
shock!
—What do you think the parson
found,
When he got up and stared
around?
The poor old chaise in a
heap or mound,
As if it had been to the
mill and ground!
You see, of course, if you
're not a dunce,
How it went to pieces all
at once,—
All at once, and nothing
first,—
Just as bubbles do when they
burst.
End of the wonderful one-hoss
shay.
Logic is logic. That 's all
I say.
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