Gloria:  You get trainsick, planesick, carsick...you practically throw up on department store elevators!
Joan:  A lot of people get sick in department stores...

Jack: Wait a minute, he's after you. Who the h--- are you?
Joan: Well, I'm a romance novelist.
Jack: You're what? What are you doing here?
Joan: I told you, my sister's life depends on me.
Jack: Ah, don't give me that s---. I thought you were donating a kidney or something.

Joan:  You said you just lost everything you owned...
Jack:  Not my sense of humor!

Jack:  Is there anyone who isn't following you?

Joan: What is all this?
Jack: All this? About five to life in the States, a couple of centuries down here.
Joan: Oh, marijuana.
Jack: Oh, you smoke it?
Joan: [defensively] I went to college.

Jack Colton: What did you do, wake up this morning and say, "Today, I'm going to ruin a man's life"?

Joan Wilder: These were Italian.
Jack Colton: Now they're practical.

Grogan: What's it gonna be, Angelina?
Joan Wilder: [voiceover] It was Grogan: the filthiest, dirtiest, dumbest excuse for a man west of the Missouri River.
Grogan: You can die two ways: quick like the tongue of a snake, or slower than the molasses in January.
Joan Wilder: [voiceover] But it was October.
Grogan: I'll kill you, g----it, if it's the Fourth of July! Where is it? Uhh. Get over there!
Joan Wilder: [voiceover] I told him to get out, now that he had what he came for.
Grogan: Not quite. [spits] Take 'em off. Do it! Come on!
[Angelina kills Grogan by throwing a concealed knife.]
Joan Wilder: [voiceover] That was the end of Grogan... the man who killed my father, raped and murdered my sister, burned my ranch, shot my dog, and stole my Bible!

[After reading Joan's new novel based on her adventure]
Gloria: Joanie, you are now a WORLD-CLASS hopeless romantic.
Joan Wilder: No, hopeful. Hopeful romantic.

Gloria:  The guy's favorite author is the guy who wrote "pull tab to open"!

Jack:  Now that you've got what you want, you don't want it...

Jewel: We are sworn, Just Joan.
Joan Wilder: Right, but it's just "Joan."
Jewel: Right - Just Joan.

[While surrounded by native Africans.]
Jack Colton: Just keep smiling. Maybe they'll think we're with National Geographic.

Ralph:  What is this, the Young and the Stupid?

Joan Wilder: Don't be ridiculous! Jack would never die without telling me.

[Jack, Joan, and the Jewel are being shot at.]
Jewel: Do not worry. I'm sure it's not my destiny to die on this mountain.
Joan: What about us?
Jewel: [pause] That's another ball game.

Joan Wilder:  How much romance can a woman take?