Sally: I'd like the chef salad please with the oil and vinegar on the side and the apple pie a la mode.
Waitress: Chef and apple a la mode.
Sally: But I'd like the pie heated and I don't want the ice cream on top I want it on the side and I'd like strawberry instead of vanilla if you have it if not then no ice cream just whipped cream but only if it's real if it's out of a can then nothing.
Waitress: Not even the pie?
Sally: No, just the pie, but then not heated.

Sally: Harry, you might not believe this but I never considered not sleeping with you a sacrifice.

Marie: I'm saying, that the right man for you might be out there right now, and if you don't grab him someone else will and you'll have spend the rest of your life knowing that someone else is married to your husband.

Sally: At least I got the apartment.
Harry: That's what everybody says to me too. But really what's so hard about finding an apartment? What you do is, you read the obituary column. Yeah, you find out who died, and go to the building and then you tip the doorman. What they can do to make it easier is to combine the obituaries with the real estate section. Say, then you'd have Mr. Klein died today leaving a wife, two children, and a spacious three bedroom apartment with a wood burning fireplace.

Harry: You're the worst kind. You're high maintenance but you think you're low maintenance.
Sally: I don't see that.
Harry: You don't see that? Waiter, I'll begin with a house salad, but I don't want the regular dressing. I'll have the Balsamic vinegar and oil, but on the side. And then the Salmon with the mustard sauce, but I want the mustard sauce, on the side. On the side is a very big thing for you.
Sally: Well I just want it the way I want it.
Harry: I know. High maintenance.

Lady from another table: I'll have what she's having.

Jess: When someone is not that attractive, they're always described as having a good personality.
Harry: Look, if you would ask me, "What does she look like?" and I said, "She has a good personality." That means she's not attractive. But just because I happened to mention that she has a good personality, she could be either. She could be attractive with a good personality, or not attractive with a good personality.
Jess: So which one is she?
Harry: Attractive.
Jess: But not beautiful, right?

Sally: No, but why didn't he want to marry me? What's the matter with me?
Harry: Aw, nothing.
Sally: I'm difficult.
Harry: You're challenging.
Sally: I'm too structured, I'm completely closed off.
Harry: But in a good way.
Sally: No, no, no I drove him away, and I'm going to be forty.
Harry: When?
Sally: Someday.
Harry: In eight years.
Sally: But it's there. It's just sitting there like this big dead end. And it's not the same for men. Charlie Chaplain had babies when he was seventy three.
Harry: Yeah but he was too old to pick them up.

Harry: If you're there please pick up the phone, I really want to talk to you. The fact that you're not answering leads me to believe that you're a) Not at home. b) Home, but don't want to talk to me. Or c) Home, desperately want to talk to me, but trapped under something heavy. If it's either a) or c) call me back.

Sally: I'm sorry Harry, I know it's New Years Eve, I know you're feeling lonely, but you just can't show up here, tell me you love me and expect that to make everything alright. It doesn't work this way. 
Harry: Well how does it work?
Sally: I don't know but not this way.
Harry: Well how about this way. I love that you get cold when it's seventy one degrees out, I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich, I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts, I love that after I spend a day with you I can still smell your perfume on my clothes and I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Years Eve. I came here tonight because when you realise you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of the life to start as soon as possible.
Sally: You see, that is just like you Harry. You say things like that and you make it impossible for me to hate you.

Sally: Three months later we got married.
Harry: Yeah it only took three months.
Sally: Twelve years and three months.
Harry: We had this... we had a really wonderful wedding.
Sally: It was a, it really was, it was a wonderful wedding.
Harry: Yeah, we had this enormous coconut cake.
Sally: Huge coconut cake, with the, with the... tiers and this... very rich chocolate sauce on the side.
Harry: Right, 'cos not everybody like it on the cake 'cos it makes it very soggy.
Sally: Particularly the coconut, soaks up a lot of that stuff, so you really... it's important to keep it on the side.
Harry: Right.